Vicious Cycles

There are many things that react, depend and influence other, well, things.

Violence Cycle

Perception – Action loop

Feedback – Validation (FV) loop

This FV loop frustrates me as a person, as a teacher, and as a coach.

As a person, I need feedback.

As a teacher, I need feedback and I need to give positive feedback.

As a coach, I need feedback and I need to give lots of feedback. But, positive or negative?

What about validation? My generation gets too much validation.

“Good job’s” when execution is poor. I mean you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, right?

Think back to the best teacher you had. Not the one you liked but, the one who taught you the most…like the stuff you remember 10 years latter. What qualities did they exhibit? Where they firm in their delivery and expectations? Where they fair?

Mine where firm and fair. They didn’t give out a lot of “good job’s” and when they did, it meant something.

One of my athletes commented in his notebook that another coach “finally gave me positive feedback and it felt good.”

OUCH, at first, then I thought, are we getting the progression we’re looking for? And, we are!

I ask the other coaches to 1) stay away from my athletes prior to competition because I want my athletes to be confident and work it out on their own. 2) Afterwards, I don’t need people telling them good job when they didn’t execute what we’re working on in practice. AKA Validate a crappy performance.

I’m not mean about it. I simply tell ’em how it is. I don’t get loud; I get descriptive and clear.

I remind myself that I don’t do what I do for validation from my athletes.

I do it because I want to change their lives.

And I’ll do whatever it takes and that looks like lots of feedback and just enough validation to keep them on their toes.

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