- VCTF Captains
We all make mistakes and we all affect others without even realizing how we do it.
Some people are perceptive beings and, well, others are not but, if you are you know when something just doesn’t feel right. The mojo, the juju, the flow, etc is screwed up….
…but, why and how come?
Ask and thy shall receive.
It’s scary to ask, “What am I doing wrong?” or “How can I be better?” or “How can I suck less?”
It’s even more scary to ask those people who you’re suppose to be “in charge of”. It takes a certain bit of vulnerability and accountability.
I recently asked my leaders of my sprint/power (otherwise known as sPOWER) group these questions. It was tough for them at first, they wanted to make sure they didn’t hurt my feelings (I respect and appreciate the kindness) but, I reminded them that I choose them specifically because, at some point, we have disagreed in the past and they challenged me. I don’t want a push-over for a leader. I don’t want a “Yes” person either. They spoke about some logistical issues to clean up and then I felt a long silent pause.
“Just be real. Say it.”
“Coach, sometimes, well, sometimes you’re unapproachable.”
(and here I’m preaching about connection and I’m missing the very first element, the ability to be spoken to)
When someone calls you out, I’ve just re-learned (ok, maybe learned) to rephrase so you demonstrate you actually understand the issue. Then, thank them and leave it at that, which I didn’t necessarily do. I felt like I had to address it a bit. So, I asked, “Could there be a timing issue?”
For example, in thinking about our practice today, Friday at 3:30pm-5:30pm, I really start Thursday as soon as practice is done. I analyze, I research and edit-edit-edit until its what I want. Then I come into practice, put my game face on and go to work. I have difficulty when student-athletes what to discuss things. I’m a mission to execute my plan and hell or high water I’m going to get it started. I’ve come to realize over the past 6 months is that I do this on many levels and in different contexts (relationships, sports, academics, occupation, etc)
This all leaves one thinking:
- What other ways can you ask for feedback?
- What other ways can you receive feedback?
Listen, everyone has a threshold of when to be approachable and when not to be but, it’s something we all can benefit from being aware of.
If I’m getting ready to execute something be careful how you come at me…ok BRO!?